This recipe is for salmon lovers who believe butter is a food group and garlic is a personality trait.

It’s equal parts culinary confidence and “hmm…good enough,” with lemon juice thrown in mostly so we can pretend it’s healthy. Salmon makes it real classy and good for you, but you can also sub in any protein choice, as long as it doesn’t eat you first.

Whether you go full-Garland with five garlic cloves or stay timidly in the Nancy Zone, just be prepared for consequences — romantic or olfactory.

Pop it in the oven, pour yourself something strong, and call it gourmet…because no one needs to know how easy it was.

Lemon Pepper Salmon à la Garland

Ingredients

• Butter: salted but unsalted acceptable (for wusses). Throw in a coupla sticks
• Minced garlic: fresh if you have it. No more than one clove for Nancy, up to five for Garland (this is the “couch sleeping” version of the recipe)
• Lemon juice: just to give it some tang and volume; 4-5 ounces max
• Coarse black pepper: to taste (heavy Garland, light Nancy)
• Sprinkling of dill & rosemary: hey, you bought it, so use it
• Drizzle of olive oil, if desired (or too lazy to baste)

Instructions

• Melt butter; add garlic and saute for coupla minutes
• Add lemon juice and lotsa black pepper; simmer for a few minutes
• Spoon over salmon. You can marinate it for a half hour if you have time, but what the heck — just throw it in the oven already
• Baste your brains out
• Make it fancy and add lemon slices over salmon as it cooks, if you like
• Bake at 325 degrees F for 20 minutes, or to desired tenderness
• Ladel sauce over salmon at presentation
• Argue over who cleans up; Garland invariably loses